Match Reports

…Undertaker in one corner, Kane in the other corner. Ready to beat the living brains out of each other. Kane is walking over to the Undertaker, Undertaker is walking over to Kane. Two big seven foot giants in the middle of the ring looking at each other.

A right hand, and another, and another. Kane is taking control of the game. Kane swings his brother, the Phenome into the ropes. Kane has run into the ropes. An early running clothesline by Kane. The Undertaker rises up and looks at Kane. Kane picks up the Undertaker by the hair. Kane has rapped his hand around the Undertaker’s neck. Kane has lifted up the Undertaker nicely. And a high chokeslam. The Undertaker has not moved. Kane pulls him up by the hair once again. Kane picks up the Undertaker. He`s on Kane’s shoulder. Tombstone, a cover, 1, 2 – a kick out! A kick out! No-one has ever kicked out of a Kane tombstone. The crowd are shouting for the Ministry, but China is coming down the tunnel. Well hi China, what are you down here for? Kane has taken the game. He has done another tombstone.1, 2, 3 – Kane is walking away as if nothing has happened…

The Ministry are coming out. All eight of the ministry are beating up Kane. The Corporation are coming, and the ministry have run off.

That’s all with Liam Murray see you next week…

Liam Murray

…Well, it is the big match to-day, BORO vs MAN UTD. Whoever wins this will win the Premiership. Manchester United are the favourites to win the game today of course. And they are coming out of the tunnel.

United are looking one hundred percent fit. Dwight Yorke is back from an ankle injury. Giggs is back in the starting line-up for the first time in two months. And remember, United have won their last seven games, while Middlesbrough have lost their last seven. Gazza is back in the team after suspension. But all eyes are going to be on Patrick Viera, making his home debut this afternoon. I saw Paul Scholes yesterday in training, and he looked pure class. It is time to kick off now…

Martyn Dawson

…Hello and good evening and welcome to tonight’s match between top-of-the-table Norton United and Tilery Town. It’s snowing heavily. I hope the ref has brought an orange ball with him. We are expecting a big crowd, but I hope they have wrapped up well. It is very cold out there. Tilery need a win tonight to move up the table. But on current form it looks like Norton will keep their hundred percent home record.

And the crowd goes wild as the teams come out. There are quite a few boos for Norton from the away fans. And now it’s Tilery’s turn. As they run onto the pitch there are more boos and cheers. Norton are going to kick off. But the ref is waiting for the pitch to clear. There are balloons all over the pitch.

That’s it. They’ve kicked off. Dawson takes the ball down the pitch. He’s heading straight for the goal. The keeper intercepts. Kicks it away. Ratchi. To Ganzar. Passes to Collins on the edge of the box. Collins shoots. And he scores !!! What happened to the defence? One nil to Tilery.

Mitchell kicks off for Norton. Passes to Dawson. Dawson takes on the defender. He passes it back to Mitchell. But Mitchell has slipped over in the snow. It’s very icy out there. Ganzar has the ball. He’s taking the ball to the half way line. Oh – I nearly swore on air – but Mitchell has fouled Ganzar. And he is Tilery’s only chance. Yes. It’s a penalty.

He’s standing up. He’s taking the penalty. He’s placing the ball on the penalty spot. He’s running up. HE SHOOTS Ooooooooooo… He has hit the post.

The Keeper throws it out. Dawson takes the ball. He shoots from the half way line. He SCORES!!!! He scores! And that’s the final whistle. It’s all over. A draw between Norton and Tilery…

Liam Meadows

…And welcome to the World Rally Championships of 1999. And have we got some good cars for you this season.

The first race will take place today. But fist we’re going to have a look at the cars. Colin Macrae in the Subaru is certainly looking forward to this race. He won pole position in the qualifying circuits. The big question is, can he retain his title for a record fifth year ? Yes of course he can. He’s got a good chance with this car. And the new racing modification kit. It was voted best car of the year.

Well, we’ve just heard that the cars have just finished the warm-up lap. The cars are getting ready to go. 3, 2, 1 – and they’re off. The MXI gets a very good start. But the Subaru is in second place. No, the Subaru has just stormed past the Maxi…

… and as they come round for the last time the Subaru has only one more corner, and that was a fantastic hand-brake turn, and as they pick up speed again this brings us to the end of the opening rally of 1999, but I am just amazed at those hand-brake turns, and here he comes, round the last corner – and Colin Macrae has crossed the finishing line and he has won the first race of the 1999 Championship. And this is Chris Chapman handing you back to the studio….

Chris Chapman

…and they’re off. One hit of Rock and he’s down. Rock picks him up. He vertical surpluses him. Stone Cold DDTs him. He pins him. He’s up! It’s the piledriver. He’s up. It’s a running clothesline by Rock. Look at this move. One arm tack down. And it’s the Fish. Rock steps out. He picks up a steel chair and hits Stone Cold. No – it’s the Corporate elbow. 1, 2 – he kicks out Stone Cold. Stone Cold is in trouble. The fans are shouting. Oh look who is coming down the aisle from WCW. It’s Paul White. He chock slams Stone Cold. The World Championship belt is on the line here tonight. Paul do you think Stone Cold has a chance?

No, I don’t think he has a chance.

Oh no – it’s the rock bottom. 1, 2, 3 – the Rock wins the belt. We have a new world champion – the Rock!

Simon Wharton